top of page

Line ‘Em Up: 1 Agenda, Multiple Options


While sticking to one person at a time is suitable for most people, dating multiple people at the same time has benefits that can possibly lead to a happier, healthier relationship with one person in the long run. This gives you the opportunity to be more open and honest with the people you’re dating. Once you tell them that you’re seeing other people, you’ll both be more willing to share more intimate and private details about yourselves and your lives. It gives you the power of choice. Instead of letting someone pick you, you’re picking someone this time. With multiple people in your life, there’s less pressure on you to please one person.


While it's long been accepted that men "play the field," it's not something that seems to be talked about as much by women. However, rotations allow you to date other people at the same time, giving you some perspective on the dating process. Rotations give you the opportunity to not close doors on people who may be great for you. People who get involved too quickly shut out others because they don’t rotate dates. While they’re serial dating, they’re losing out on opportunities to date other great people.


Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., agrees, saying that dating several men at once can help you zero in on how different men relate to you, which can open your eyes to what you really want in a guy. This type of dating isn't for everyone, though, and it can get messy fast, so communication is key. And as with any relationship, it's important to check in mentally and determine whether the pros of what you're doing and how you're feeling outweigh the cons.


As long as you respect the feelings of the people you see and are truly looking for qualities that will lead to long-term love, it’s okay not to go steady with someone as of the first date. Some people go on a first date and, wow, the magic and the sparks are there immediately. But for others, they have to date someone many times, maybe even over weeks or months, to know whether there’s chemistry in the air and they may need to date several people before they finally feel that “click.” If you immediately exclude all other guys or gals from the moment you have your first lunch date with someone until his or her annoying laugh causes you to bolt two months later, you may have to go through several mini relationships in a row before you’re done.


Going on dates with a few different people in the same stretch of time gives you perspective. Is one guy or gal a little more thoughtful than the rest? Is there one person whose jokes crack you up more than all the others? Are some people punctual and others slow as molasses? You notice this kind of thing a lot more when your memory is fresh than when you’re comparing your date today to someone you dated six months ago. By going on several first dates, you soon learn to be less self-conscious and focus more on how the date is going. Instead of worrying about what to say, you soon learn how to ask the right questions to help you either find the sparks of chemistry or find out that this person is just not the right one for you. And since you know you have some other dates lined up soon, the make it or break it pressure on this specific date simply isn’t there, allowing you to relax a lot more.


An interesting site I came across was Bustle.com. They came up with 7 interesting reasons why people should date more than 1 person at a time:


1. It’s empowering

2. Comparison helps

3. You have a plan B (and C, and D…)

4. You aren’t emotionally dependent on one person

5. It make you more open minded

6. It curbs boredom

7. More sex


Dating more than one person isn’t just about multiplying the romance—and dinners—in your life. It actually teaches you to be a better dater. “You know how they say that the easiest way to become better at job interviews is to go on a lot of them? Well, the same applies to dating,” says dating expert Simone Paget, author of the dating and relationship blog, The Skinny Dip. “Going on lots of different dates with different people is a great way to refine your dating skills and build up your dating confidence.”


However, Paget warns, that when it comes to your time, emotional and mental energy, “It’s important not to spread yourself too thin. If you’re dating multiple people at the same time just because you can and you’re not really getting much out of the experience or connecting with anyone, it’s okay to take a step back,” she says. “Dating multiple people at the same time should be fun. When it stops being fun it’s time to stop.”


A lot of people might shy away from dating multiple people because it makes them feel awkward about what to say if one of the people, they’re seeing asks them the dreaded question, “Are you seeing other people?” But dating more than one person isn’t about being selfish or deceitful. When you’re on a date with someone, your responsibility is to be present and focused on that particular person. “Treat each date and person as an individual,” says Paget. “Sure, your favorite wine bar is awesome, but that doesn’t mean you have to take all of your dates there. Create some separation between dates to avoid potential awkwardness.”


As a rule of thumb, as soon as your relationship becomes physical, it’s important to let the other person know that you’re seeing other people to avoid hurt feelings and unwanted surprises down the road.

In doing a little research for this blog, I came across 2 very interesting websites. The first one is called Zoosk. Zoosk offers such interesting features like online dating, dating data, dating advice, and more. The other one was The Thought Catalog. This site offers advice, opinions, etc. on anything that is relatable and provokes thought. Their topics include politics, parenting, pop culture, gender specific topics, and various aspects of dating One of the things that I came across that I really liked, was their advice on dating multiple people and how to make it work. Check out their tips of Dos and Donts:


1. Do date multiple people; Don’t feel guilty

2. Do attempt to get to know said people, rather than sleeping with them; Don’t develop feelings

3. Do use condoms; Don’t kiss and tell to someone you’re kissing

4. Do clean up your tracks; Don’t overbook

5. Do be honest; Don’t assume you’re the only one




5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page