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Side Dish vs. The Main Course: A Relationship Art

Updated: Apr 21

Many would say that it is an art or game. Many would say that there are levels to it. Few are excellent at it. Many are not as good as they think. I, just like most people; when you think of a side piece vs. the main one, you think of men having more than one woman. It is not typical for us to automatically think of a woman having more than one man. However, it definitely exists. It may be more prominent with men. However, one must not be naïve to the fact that women can play this game too. Hell, some would argue that they are better at it.

Let’s chit chat about women and their dishes. I found two interesting definitions for a side piece/side nigga, courtesy of the Urban Dictionary:

1) A male individual who is consumed by the idea of being the actual significant other of a female, but in reality is just the service man to her sexual needs.

2) A male who is in a limited relationship with someone. The relationship may involve feelings and spending time together, but it is sacred and the lady may already be in a committed and known relationship.

You know what an illegitimate child is right? The child that does not get claimed when folks are around. You can go to the family’s house and there are no pictures or mentioning of this child. Being the side nigga/side piece is the exact same thing. Many of us guys have been the side dude, knowingly and unknowingly. Through my research and life experiences I came up with some pros and cons…let’s discuss this a bit shall we?.............


1. You don’t deal with the BS – if you are the main dude you had to work hard to get the “goodies”. You had to take her out on dates, cater to her, be extra attentive, and deal with her stressors/mood swings. The side dude? You don’t have to worry or be bothered with any of that. Just be in place to screw her right whenever, however, and wherever she wants it.

2. You’re incognito - You never have to worry about being caught screwing around with another girl, cause she’s worrying about the same crap with her man. You can do whatever you want and she can’t say anything. You are free to mess with other girls and avoid her calls or text, if you got other booty lined up.

3. Unlimited supply - If you are a real nigga you will take full advantage of this and turn being the side nigga into a blessing. If you have enough chicks, you will have an unlimited supply of “monkey”. You will never have to worry about having dry dick syndrome again. If your stroke game is on point you could have Shana on Sunday, Shayla on Monday, Crystal on Tuesday, Wendy on Wednesday, Tonya on Thursday, and Felicia on Friday. Of course you should take Saturday off to recuperate because that’s the Sabbath and the Lord said “And on the 7th day I rested.”


1. She don’t belong to you - You want to be with her. Feeling that love; truth is you’re starting to fall for her. She may have feelings for you as well, but she is in love with her main dude. Sometimes you want to be the one she’s tweeting about, or the one taking her out to dinner, surprising her with flowers. That isn’t your place. In most cases you two don’t even go out in public. If y’all do, you’re only introduced as her friend.

2. You can’t tell anyone who you’re sleeping with - you ever been chilling with your boys and y’all are talking about chicks. Every one of them is sharing stories of some chick, or two, that they’re having sex with. You tell your story too, but you leave out the name. You just have to keep your secret. It sucks, and sometimes it’s hard not to tell anyone. However, the sex is good and the chick is one of the baddest chicks around. If you wanna keep knocking boots with her, y’all have to keep it on the low. Your dumb big mouth friends aren’t the ones to tell if you are trying to keep a secret.

3. Can’t count on her - Some nights you’re mad lonely and you need some. You call her up but she dodges you because she’s with her boyfriend. So you have to end up taking matters into your own hands….literally. She can never fit into your schedule. You have to fit into her schedule. You find yourself calling out of work and missing appointments. However, you do what you got to do ‘cause the goodies is wetter than a slip & slide. That’s just another common side nigga sacrifice.

Now let’s chit chat about men and their side dishes. The Urban Dictionary defines a side piece as:

1. The other woman.

2. A girl on the side. A girl you call up at 2am and she knows what’s up. There are no attachments, just sexin’. However, just make sure the girl knows that she’s a side piece.

A man who is not the monogamous type, has 4 types of women:

1. Wifey

2. Baby Girl

3. Side Piece

4. Jump Off

Wifey is sexy. She is very successful and most respected of all the women that a guy has. Her man loves, wants, and needs her. She is dang near irreplaceable. He does not want to see her with another woman, but he will cheat with her on “Baby Girl”, until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught he will lose Wifey. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook, and loves to keep a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day. A drawback of Wifey? She loves public displays of affection. This could really interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece.

Baby Girl is definitely just as hot as Wifey however she is replaceable. She thinks that she is the next Wifey, but that’ll only happen if something really bad happens to Wifey. Baby Girl will get some of the benefits of the Wifey such as quality time, and presents on birthdays and holidays. However, that is as far as it is going to go. The main reason a dude has Baby Girl is in case Wifey really messes up, it will be easy for her to be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Dudes have to be careful because Baby Girl can get clingy like Wifey and it will make it hard to keep your side piece in check.

Side Piece is usually just a female that the guy uses only for sex or other freaky pleasures. This person is usually the one that he goes to for that 3some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hours. Drawback of having more than one side piece? They usually know each other somehow.

Jump Off? My lord she is every man’s dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life. This kind of heifer has nothing to lose. This chick wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn’t know how to go about it. She is just the girl he hollers at when he is with his boys. She will be stored in his phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her. He only recalls how fat her booty was.

Some people don’t even know that they are the side piece. Some know it, embrace it, and plays the role quite well. ARE YOU THE SIDE PIECE? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE THE SIDE PIECE? Check out the Top 10 signs below. (NOTE: the below list does not apply to someone who knows that they are the side piece and plays their part well)

1. The phone gets turned off when y’all are together

2. They rarely answer their phone and mostly texts you

3. You all do not go out in public on dates

4. You haven’t met or been around their friends

5. You don’t come around the crib

6. They’re not on Facebook or you all are potentially not Facebook friends

7. Pictures on social media get untagged

8. They only say to you, “Let’s chill”

9. Lonely holidays

10. No labels or titles

I have personally never had a side piece. Hell I can barely get a main piece LOL!!! However, just out of curiosity I asked 5 people with a mixture of genders, ages, and background why they feel people have a main dish with a meal or two on the side. Here are the responses:

1. Main piece is comfort…..side piece is an adventure.

2. Because each one offers something that the other doesn't.

3. Being greedy….not completely trusting the other person. They find that these two different people meet two different needs. One chick in my mind though? Maybe is good in bed and fun to hang out with, but the other chick is the responsible one that you know has your back. The reason can be plenty and diverse.

4. Variety is the spice of life. No one person truly gives any one 100% of what they want in a mate. By design none of us are without flaws or perfect. It appears that for the gaps that people have with one partner they try to fill them with another. If you think of the 80-20 rule, if your main gives you 80 then your side piece can give you 20 or at least 10-15. Someone just like the idea of having control and influence over multiple people and relationships.

5. It depends on the situation. Most times it is because there is something missing with the main person.

Void…neglect. I guess it is safe to say that a dominant or popular reason for a side piece is because something with the main one is missing. There is a hole. There is a gap. Something about the side piece fills that gap and void.

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