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Cut Ties & Set Yourself Free

Updated: Apr 23

Get right or get gone…have you done all you can? If not, and you still want to walk away – that’s your business…no judgement. However, if you have done all you can; there is no guilt you should carry. People end relationships for a variety of reasons. Some are warranted and sometimes it’s not. Some reasons are major and some are frivolous or childish. Let’s say that the person you’re with steals from you or cheats on you. I would think that is a major reason to leave. Breaking up with someone because they don’t like to travel, you don’t like how they dress, or you don’t like the wigs that they wear; I would say that’s kind of frivolous or childish…although the later I find very hilarious. When I look at my dating life, I’ve been in a very small amount of relationships. Friends with benefits and random acts of fun; I’ve had a plethora of experiences with both, but that’s not what this article is about (wink LOL). With my relationship history, there are three reasons why I ended a relationship:

  1. They tried to have too much control over me.

  2. We had a threesome this one time. The other person and I vibed on a different level. So I broke up with them for the person we had the threesome with…..what a hell of a ride that was. I should’ve left both of them alone.

  3. Due to certain dynamics, I could tell that I was going to get bored with them and feared that I’d end up doing them wrong.

Some of the reasons I came across, as to why folks break up are:

  1. Having different views and opinions

  2. Not feeling heard, seen, respected, or loved

  3. Lack of communication

  4. Growing apart

  5. No trust

  6. Lack of healthy self-esteem

  7. Differences in goals

  8. Lack of happiness

  9. Unrealistic expectations

  10. Not satisfied in the bedroom

  11. There’s someone else in the picture

  12. Don’t feel valued

  13. Toxicity

  14. The relationship no longer serves the best interest of the people involved

When a person gets to the point that they are ready to end their relationship, there are definitely differences when it comes to what are the best ways to do so. If the person is a coward, afraid, a jerk, trying to baby someone’s feelings, forthcoming, hiding something, still highly cares for the person; these are all reasons that would set the tone for how a person would probably break up with someone. You have people who break up face to face. Then you have those who will break up by text message or a written letter. I’ve known of people who gotten broken up with by the person literally going ghost on them. Meaning the person was no longer seen or heard from. Then there’s celebrities and people I know personally, who have broken up with people by posting pics online of them together with their new boo. This cracks me up every time. However, if I was to be on the receiving end of this type of breaking up – I would cut the hell up something serious!

I’m sure many of us have missed the warning signs or some wasn’t actually aware of them. I’m sure a lot of us, for a variety of reasons, have stayed in relationships way past their expiration date. So, when is it time for us to end it? What are some of the signs that folks should be aware and really pay attention to? provided a few good ones that I really wanted to share:

  1. You keep breaking up and getting back together

  2. You’re doing all the sacrificing

  3. You can’t trust them

  4. You’ve grown apart

  5. Your major values aren’t aligned

  6. You’ve stopped caring or putting in the effort

  7. You’re experiencing physical or emotional abuse

  8. You don’t like yourself or who you’ve become

  9. Y’all fight nonstop

  10. You’re not getting your needs met

  11. You think about breaking up all the time

So you feel you’ve done all you can to salvage the relationship. You’ve noticed the signs and you’re done. You’re ready to end the relationship. You’re ready to throw up the deuces and move forward with your life. Now what? Psychology Today provides some essential tips on what to do and what not to do:

What To Do:

  1. End the relationship as soon as you know it can’t go on

  2. Break up in person

  3. Be honest about your feelings

  4. Be clear and certain about your reasons for breaking up

  5. Take responsibility for your decision

  6. Listen to the other person, without defending yourself

  7. Break off the relationship cleanly

  8. Set clear boundaries

What NOT To Do:

  1. Don’t break up in public

  2. Don’t break up in your own home; if possible, do so in the home of your partner

  3. Don’t offer false hope

  4. Don’t try to downshift the romance to friendship

  5. Don’t devalue the other person ***I don’t fully agree with this one because some people’s actions make this a no brainer/fact***

  6. Don’t try to make the other person feel better, even as you’re breaking up

  7. Don’t have breakup sex

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