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Just As I Am

How to maintain your identity well in a relationship? Well in order to maintain something, you must first know what you have or are. How can I maintain a fish tank, if I have no clue what a fish tank is or how it works? Let alone, what is required to maintain this fish tank. The same goes into maintaining your identity. You first must be comfortable with yourself and know who you are. Once you have established that, you can start to seek out what you want; because you are self-aware of who you are as a person and when you meet someone, you’re not looking for anything in them. You are looking to find someone who you align with. Someone you can fully divulge yourself into.

This isn’t something you do in day one, but you want to be able to be who you are without compromising yourself. I know for me, I am who I am and I am not going to minimized the person I am, to try to convince someone to like me…or to fit in. Over the years, I have seen so many people worry about what this person thinks, what that person thinks. Those people who are passing judgement, only do it because you’ve given them the power to have an opinion over your happiness. This reduces your identity because you aren’t yourself, you’re someone others want you to be. You’ll do the same in a relationship, and when the person is done molding you into what they assume they wanted, they may realize that they no longer want that, or they realize they want something different. During that journey of mimicking something that someone else wanted you to be, you might lose who you are in the process. Then when the breakup is over, you’re confused, out of place, and trying to figure out where did it all go wrong. It began the day you decided not to be who you truly are.

If someone loves you, they might not agree with everything that you do, but they allow you to be the person you are. After advice and help you become a better person, and I want you to look earlier in this sentence and see I said “advice” not criticism. Those are two different words, and people tend to use the latter, and pawn it off as advice. So how do you maintain your identity? You do so by never losing it. You walk into every situation saying this is who I am? Now once you’ve done that it’s up to the person to take the time to understand and get clarity into what does that mean to be who you are. Or they will look at you and start trying to see where they can start to make you into what they want to be.

If you have a partner who goes to bed early, and you are a nighthawk, should you have to go to bed at 10 pm, if you’re use to going to bed at 2 am? I do not think so. However, you can create a way to compromise while both of you maintain your identity. You can just lay in bed with your partner until they fall asleep and go back to doing what you usually do until you get sleepy around 2 am. This way both parties are happy and have maintained their identity and not being pushed into something they aren’t. Again, the keyword here is compromising. You should be compromising while still maintaining and that takes communication. The more vocal you are in helping the other person understand the more helpful it may be. Maybe this method isn’t for everyone, but that is why you keep seeking ways to find what works best for the both of you. What will not work is being molded into someone that isn’t you, because in the end you’ll both lose.


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