I thrive off of joy and happiness. I am soothed and motivated by peace of mind. Negativity has never been a friend of mine. However, it has been a frequent visitor. Accountability is something I possess. So when decisions I’ve made have caused negativity to be present in my life; I’ve owned up to it and I’ve ensured to have a lesson learned, along with a resolution. Many times we can cause negativity to be in our lives, not by something we’ve specifically done. Instead, it’ll be through the people we have allowed ourselves to be around. We have to acknowledge and take responsibility for this.
My grandma use to always tell me that bad will rub off on good quicker than good will rub off on the bad. Lord as I got older and started having my own life experiences, I realized just how true that statement is. Negativity can cause stress and stress can cause all kinds of internal problems, i.e. health. I believe that the people we spend a lot of time with is a reflection of us. It is a reflection of how we view ourselves and it is a reflection of our standards. If I’m constantly hanging around people who belittle me, who degrade me, who disrespect me; clearly my self-esteem and self-worth isn’t up to par. When you are self-aware and know your self-worth, you will not waste the bulk of your time with people whose being and way life isn’t conducive to who you are. There’s just certain things you won’t allow. Realize that these types of people are toxic.
It is one thing to be around people who don’t always tell you want you want to hear, such as a “yes man”. At times this cause arguments. However, this is healthy and necessary. With maturity this can ignite growth. However, it’s another thing to have someone who brings out the bad side of you every time you’re around them. Every time you’re around them you want fight, cuss, commit homicide, kill yourself, stab them in their eye, etc. You can’t allow people’s insecurities or complexes to be deflect onto yourself. Some people are thirsty for attention. Some people are very full of themselves. Some people thrive off of their ignorance and foolishness. Some people do not want to see you happy or succeeding. Some people are just ignorant as hell and the people that they’ve kept around them has promoted and encouraged the foolishness and ignorance that they exhibit. These types of people think they’re constantly right and when they are wrong they feel as if it ain’t nothing that anyone could do about it. These types of idiots ain’t worth your time or mine.
Many times we get blinded by affiliations and associations. We put up with toxic people and their toxicity because we’re related to them, they’re our fraternity brother or sorority sisters, we work with them, etc. This is no excuse to allow toxic people to screw up our emotions, attack our minds, or dictate our lives. We have to love ourselves more. We have to put ourselves and the positivity first. Nothing negative was ever worth anything. Nothing toxic ever allowed anyone to succeed.
Me personally I don’t give a damn if it’s my cousin, sibling, mother, friend, or fraternity brother. I will not allow myself to be negatively affected by folk’s lies and ignorance. Every frat ain’t your friend. Every person that joined your respective frat or sorority, didn’t join for the right reasons. That’s why there’s a lot of t-shirt wearers and people who ain’t worth a one dollar bill when it comes to their productivity or role in their organization. So why allow their foolishness to disturb your spirit. Not everyone who is related to you has a good heart or good intentions. Some people you have to just love from afar or if you don’t love ‘em, just keep their ass at a distance. I am not one to just tolerate toxic people because we come from the same blood line. That isn’t going to benefit my life nor yours one bit.
Peace of mind can go a long way. It can sustain focus and a strong foundation for a prosperous livelihood. Anyone who does not bring positivity into my life, won’t be in my life. Anyone who brings out the bad side of me whenever I have an interaction with them, won’t be in my life. Folks that unjustifiably bring lies, ignorance, and foolishness my way; will be sadly mistaken if they think they gonna affect me in any bad way.
For me the tool has been the overwhelming love I have for myself and the high confidence I have in myself. An asset for me has been how each day I get closer to God. It does not mean I’m perfect. I’m far from it. But I’m consistent…I’m loyal to those who deserve (hell sometimes to those who don’t deserve it). Instead of perfection, progression guides me. These tools may not work for others, but for me they’ve been unbreakable and undeniable.
An additional plus to have is to surround yourself with people who believe in you, who support you, who don’t judge you, and those who benefit your growth leading to you being the best you that you can be. That’s why for me if I have to cut frat, friends, family, or associates out of my life; I’ve done it without hesitation. In 36 years on this earth I have cut off a lot of people, not one time have I regretted it! Anyone that is going to be in my life will have to meet certain standards. No matter who they are, I will not accept anything less. Unless someone is paying my bills or because of their means and accessibilities, they are helping me accomplish one or more of my goals; their ignorance or foolishness wouldn’t be tolerated by me for 5 seconds.
In everyone’s life, there will always be people who will resist, threaten and sabotage the possibility of self-improvement. This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change. Tolerance for toxicity is relative to each person — you have to decide when someone requires distance and when they need to be cut out of your life. Those lines vary from person to person.
Toxic people characteristics:
1. They try to control you
2. They disregard your boundaries
3. They take without giving
4. They are always “right”
5. They aren’t honest
6. They love to be victims
7. They don’t take responsibility
10 types of toxic people you need to get rid of:
1. Those who soak up your time like a sponge
2. Those who criticize you far too often
3. Those who play the victim all the time
4. Those who have a negative mindset
5. Those who lose their temper and zap your energy
6. Those who show no compassion or empathy
7. Those who are dishonest and lie to you
8. Those who are manipulative and will exploit you
9. Those who are deliberately hurtful
10. Those who are stressed out
If you’re not careful, toxic people can negatively influence the way you think, feel, and behave. They can introduce unnecessary stress into your life and cause chaos that will drag you down. I came across a website called The Law of Attraction. What I liked about the website was the relatable and important tips that they provide. Law of Attraction advised that there are 9 steps to removing toxic people from your life:
1. Don’t expect them to change
2. Establish and maintain boundaries
3. Don’t be pulled into crises
4. Focus on the solution
5. Own your difficulties and weaknesses
6. Understand projection
7. Know they may resist
8. Choose your battles carefully
9. Surround yourself with healthy relationships