Men don’t cry. Real men don’t show certain emotions. Suck that s**t up. These are just some of the phrases that is said to and about men. I’m sure there are plenty of females who can say that they have been in a relationship…or may still be in one...where the man was emotionally unavailable to them. Showing certain emotions is uncomfortable for a lot of us men. Happiness, anger, excitement, rage; these are some of the emotions that we have no problem showing. Sadness and crying? Not so much. There is a fear of being judge, diminished, or viewed as being soft. One of the quickest ways to piss off a man, is to tell him he soft.
Unfortunately, life happens. There are going to be things that will make you sad. Due to a lot of men being told that sadness is a negative emotion; when something comes up that provokes this type of emotion, they won’t not have to maneuver with it. Sometimes it is not in the words either. It can be in the action. If a man has never seen another man, especially when they’re going up, to properly handle an emotion like sadness…being in that space is going to be extremely taboo and uncomfortable for them.
Men often feel they need to be self-reliant and provide for their loved ones, so it is not appropriate to express their emotions. Even the most extroverted men often hide their real emotions from their loved ones. They have a hard time asking for help when they are struggling. When it comes to emotions, I would say that there are four basic ones. They are anger, happiness, sadness, and fear. Happiness for sure, is the most acceptable one. As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able to cope on their own. When most men are feeling sad they are going to work longer hours, withdraw from family and friends, behave recklessly or violent, and possibly consuming more alcohol and/or drugs more than they usually do.
The solution to this issue is for men to learn how to become vulnerable and allow
themselves to express their emotions freely. However, this is often easier said than done. It can be difficult for men to feel comfortable showing their emotions, especially if they’ve been hiding them all their life. Here are some ways that men can start becoming more vulnerable to their emotions. There are three ways that could assist men in being vulnerable. They are being honest about how you’re feeling, find therapeutic hobbies, and get a therapist.
Regardless of whether gender differences in adult behavior arise from conscious or unconscious psychological processes, one thing is clear: Boys grow up in a world inhabited by a narrower range of emotions, one in which their experiences of anger are noticed, inferred, and potentially even cultivated. This leaves other emotions, particularly the more vulnerable emotions, sorely ignored or missing in their growing minds. According to the Greater Good Magazine, this is all the more concerning given that research from Harvard Medical School shows that boys are in fact more emotionally expressive than girls. This begins as early as infancy and lasts through early childhood. So it is possible that boys might actually begin with at least comparable, if not more, intensity and range of emotional expressions.
Of course, as with anything, what are the effects that all of this can have on us? According to a blog called, Man Matters (www.manmatters.com), the following are 7 effects that bottling emotions will have on our bodies:
1. Poor sleep patterns/insomnia
2. Self-hating behaviors (i.e. binge eating, excessive spending, addictions)
3. Weight gain from comfort eating
4. High blood pressure – respiration and heart rates increase with mental stress
5. Digestive problems (cramps, ulcers, acid reflux, constipation, etc.)
6. Displaced emotions and impulsive reactions
7. Premature death is increased by more than 30%; risk of being diagnosed with cancer is increased by 70%
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