top of page

Let's Talk About It: Abusive Relationships

“Who the hell knows why he’s mad this time!” That’s the first thing that came to Carrie’s mouth when the first blow hit the left side of her face. As Reggie call her every name but the one her momma gave her, he continued to hit her profusely. Yesterday he was made because his food wasn’t ready when he got home. The day before he was mad because she didn’t wake him up on time. In the past, she’s gotten beaten because she didn’t move fast enough, she corrected him, she tried to help him when he didn’t want it. One time he beat her so bad one day, she had to call out sick for three days. Why? She had her assistant come by their home to drop off some important forms and he was angry that she had another man come to their home. Tonight, is just like any other night. Carrie zone’s out while he beats her because it allows her to temporarily mask the pain. Women all over the world have dealt with, are dealing with, or will deal with situations just like Carrie. Many of them will survive and many will not. Many women are not strong enough to leave. Sadly, there are some women that will have confused these actions with love.

Now yes, when you think of abusive relationships, people automatically think of the female as the perpetrator. There are some situations where the perpetrator is the male. I personally don’t think it happens as much. However, it is not only limited to women as the victim. How I feel about abusive relationships is simple. NO REAL MAN will hit a woman. There is no justification for a man to hit a woman. A man should only put his hands on a woman for two reason and they are to arouse her and protect her. Yes, some females can be excessively aggressive, may attack the man, or antagonize him too far. I think the first option should be for that man to work as hard as he can to retreat…walk away. If that doesn’t seem to work then he needs to do his absolute best to restrain that female. If none of this works at all and that male feels that his life is being jeopardized, he needs to then do what he must and defend himself. The key is to recognize his strength so that he doesn’t go too far. You can only push a person but so far. Don’t constantly poke a bear or back a cat into the corner then play the victim when they have no other option but to attack. This is not to be confused with someone who has anger management and self-control issues.

I am sure everyone knows, either directly or indirectly, someone that has been in an abusive relationship. As we all know the abuse does not have to be physical. It can also be mental and emotional. I personally believe that mental and emotional abuse can in some ways be worse, because mental and emotional wounds take longer to heal than physical wounds.

That cold feeling inside you when a fist hits you that belong to the guy you thought you loved. The emotions you feel when he curses at you and puts you down. Dating violence is actual or threatened harm between a former partner in a period that is risky.

Between twenty percent and fifty percent of adolescents been in an aggressive relationship. Many men and women must go through this tragedy in their life. Abusive relationships can damage a life, both physically and mentally, leaving the victims unaware of when to walk away. Countless amounts of men and women who become victims experience two forms of abuse relationships. Emotional abuse is a less known kind because many people believe that it is important enough to count. Emotional abuse is basically another word for verbal abuse. If a partner talks negatively to the victim putting them down, it counts as abusive.

The abuser normally tries to embarrass the victim and always tries to be in control over the victim. The abuser’s main tactic is to try to separate the victim from their family and friends. These examples involve emotional abuse. The other type abusive relationship is physical abuse which more people expect in an abusive relationship. The abuser uses violence to generally solve the arguments between their partners. Physical violence is when the abuser slaps, punches, kicks, or harms the victim. If the victim becomes bruised, the partner used physical violence. In Dreamland, Caitlin got punched in the face by her boyfriend not wanting to leave the car because she was afraid to but before the punch, he cursed her out with verbal abuse. Usually, emotional and verbal abuse comes first then ends in physical abuse. Knowing these two types of abuse is needed to realize whether your partner is treating you correctly or incorrectly.

When the relationship becomes abusive, it’s a clear sign to get help immediately trying to then end the relationship with the abuser. A relationship is never going to just be all sunshine and happiness. Arguments do happen, but in positive and healthy relationships neither party should ever use physical force to get what they want. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect in contrast to unhealthy relationships when the abuser uses violence to solve every problem. In a healthy relationship, the family members and friends like the partner and the relationship has more cheerful memories than upsetting ones. Feeling unhappy, stressed, or fearful when you are with your partner is an unhealthy relationship. Once the abuser first lays his or her hands on their partner that is when the relationship gets risky and the partner should get help.

Being abused is never the victim’s fault but always the abuser’s fault. A lot of girls or guys in an abusive relationship don’t walk away and that is normally. Many people stay in an abusive relationship because they think their partner will follow up their threats. The abuser creates threats because they don’t want the victim to walk away. They also stay because of isolation thinking that their friends and family wouldn’t want them anymore. Being afraid is a common emotion victim’s feel but they will rarely be alone because at least one person will always still care about them. 

Women were traditionally vulnerable to abusive behavior form the part of men. Nevertheless, despite the abusive behavior, women still often carried on and still carry on relationships with their violent and abusive men. At first glance, such abusive and long-lasting relationships seem to be extremely strange, but, on the other hand, they should have some logical explanation, considering the scope of such relationships and the frequency of occurrence of abusive relationships. The latter means that many women stay in abusive relationships with their men. They do not divorce even though they suffer systematic abuse from the part of their spouses. Many women suffer from the violent and abusive behavior from the part of their men but they carry on their abusive relationships that make their life unbearable. In such a situation, the understanding of reasons for such behavior of women and their abusive relationships is crucial for the development of an effective behavior patterns for women that can prevent the risk of the development of long-lasting abusive relationships. In this respect, it is possible to refer to the first experience of close relationships between males and females teenage dating, which hare also vulnerable to the abusive behavior from the part of males.

Abusive relationships can have a harsh effect on everyone involved. In many cases people think about the victim or the person being abused. Whether they are experiencing physical or emotional abuse, in most societies it is not acceptable. But why do such relationships continue to exist and who is to blame? A person being abused by someone may seem to be the party experiencing the most hurt, but what about the abuser? Should people have sympathy for someone that purposely hurts another person for reasons that often make no sense at all? There are reasons why people may feel bad for the abuser. In many cases, we are not sure what is going on with the abuser, but a few have had life rough for years. Some have family members such as a parent be abusive to them and this is all they know. There are people that were born with drugs in their system and it affects how they perceive certain things while growing up. Others may live in an environment where people do not treat others with respect. They think it is okay to treat others poorly or they have issues with anger management.

Abusive relationships are on the rise in the modern days. Individuals who take alcohol and other forms of substance abuse are likely to exhibit abusive behaviors in relationships. Some of these forms of violence include; kicking, pulling of hair, punching, hitting, rape, intimidation, and threats, among others. People can overcome abusive relationships may understanding that they have the right to be treated with respect. Many people do not recognize the degree to which a relationship could be abusive. Therefore, discussing the signs of abusive relationships is necessary. When your partner exhibits physical harm such as pushing, slapping, shaking, grabbing, kicking, punching, and smacking, then, it means that you are in an abusive relationship. However, some other signs may depict that one is an abusive relationship. For instance, a person who controls the different aspects of one’s life such as the mode of dressing may in a way be displaying an abusive relationship. Partners or friends should be free to dress, hang out with people of their choices, and say what they want.

“The journey to healing from emotional and/or physical abuse requires us to revolutionize our thinking about relationships, self-love, self-respect and self-compassion.” ~Unknown


bottom of page